Two years ago today
April 19th, 2012

In adoption circles, they call it the “Gotcha Day” – the day you actually get to physically touch the precious life you have been loving from afar. There really is no preparing for it or planning for it. It just happens like a sudden gust of wind and all you can do is try and brace yourself for the certain alteration of your life. Looking back on that day two years ago, I regret not digging my heals into the terribly fast moments – unaware of how important those first glimpses would become in our hearts.

(We will spare you the details of Gotcha Day but if you want to read about it, here is the post)

The best way I can describe the last two years is like a scavenger hunt for the heart of our new daughter. Each day brings another hint or pathway discovered into an antechamber of her soul. I often look back at the almost 18 years of our marriage (plus 3 years of dating!) and marvel at how little we knew each other back then compared to now. It excites me to see the same relational maturation growing between Meili and her family. It’s only a matter of time, my dear! :)

Much has changed in our lives and Meili’s yet it seems like only last week that we first set eyes on her. She is growing in health, intelligence, silliness and, most importantly, trust. Her smiles are abundant where once they were rare and her affection is widespread. She has fallen in love with her new brothers and sister to the point of missing them greatly when they are only gone a few hours at school. “Where’s Moemin (Corbin), ChinChin (Tristan) and eeyah (Leila)?” she will say with titled head and raised arms – its a simple question that always warms our hearts. A small sign of her growing into our family.

As our treasure hunt for the heart of Meili has progressed, we have discover a few fun facts about our silly daughter along the way:

  • Meili LOVES ballet. Probably all the tutu’s and pink fluffy things (see photo above) – whatever the reason, she makes one adorable ballerina!
  • Give her a hot dog or hamburger and when she is done eating you get the bun back for future use! Hot dogs are her favorite as they are easier to get in and out of the bun. :)
  • She loves doing puzzles. But instead of connecting all the outside pieces first (like I was taught), she starts with the inside. In most cases, she begins with a face and constructs the puzzle moving out from there. It’s quite amazing to see.
  • Meili is very smart. Consider the fact that she has had to learn two of the most difficult languages in the world, Chinese and English, in the three short years of her life. Although she cannot yet clearly say the words, she knows exactly what we are talking about when we ask her to do things like “Go clean your room”. She knows exactly how to respond (learned from her big sister)… “It is already!” :)
  • She also very much loves to draw, color and paint. There is a creativity in her that is beautiful to witness. Thanks to big sister, Leila, and big brother, Tristan, she already knows her colors and can identify the words of the colors on a page without the color with them. I guess there is a good reason for Crayola to put the name of each color on the side!
  • Meili is a thrill junkie! She loves for me to lift her up and sit her on the very top of my head. But soon that was not thrilling enough so we had to move into tossing her up in the air and catching her. Ever higher is the goal – the higher we go the bigger the scream of laughter.
  • Lastly, Meili now sleeps however she darn well pleases – surrounded by dolls. If you remember, when we first got her she slept perfectly still, flat as a board and did not want anything in the crib with her. If we ever left a toy, she would toss it out before going to sleep. The flat, sleeping on her back being a result of how they strap the babies into their cribs at night, she now revels in her bedtime freedom. Most often we catch her sleeping upside down with a tiny arm hanging off her bed.

And yet her brief time in the orphanage seems to be a ghost haunting her in the most unexpected ways. If you go to her bed and lift up her princess pillow, under you will find a few small treasures. There might be a small action figure, a coin or two and often something shiny. It’s like pulling back the curtain on her heart in a way she might find violating so we quickly cover them back over and tiptoe back out of the room. We leave them there but her ghost walks away with us like a haunting reminder of a past filled with confusion. I feel so bad for her that one night I slipped into her room and added more stuff to her pillow stash!

Just yesterday we were watching her laugh and play with Tristan, Leila and Corbin. Her laugh is truly infectious! And then like a sudden rush of wind – like the day we first met her in China, I felt an overwhelming series of questions billow up in my mind. Do her birth parents miss her? If they could see this vibrant child laughing, coloring, eating hot dogs without the buns – would they have done what it takes to keep her? If they could experience these itty-bitty hugs and kisses would they sacrifice whatever was required to raise her? How am I going to ever love her enough to chase away these ghosts of doubt? Who knows what brought Meili’s birth parents to the desperate moments of abandoning their newborn – another question I cannot answer. But if I am struggling with these questions, I can only imagine what goes on behind those big dark eyes when Meili stops and stares out into the distance as she does every now and again.

What can we say? We had no idea what was in store for our family when we began this adoption experience! The fun, exhausting, silly, and emotional journey toward the treasured heart of our daughter has been a life altering experience worth its weight in gold. We are still following the trail of affectionate crumbs Meili is leaving us but I think we are somewhere close because the kisses are frequent where they were once rare. The smiles are continuous and the signs of knowing her place in our family are obvious. I would venture to say we are one hidden door away from seeing that gleaming, precious goal. And we are never going to give up!

It’s been an awesome two years. As always, we love you Meili…welcome home.

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Posted in Advice for Adopting Parents, Our second year with Meili, The Gotcha Experience |
Happy 3rd Birthday, Meili!
December 17th, 2011

On this day, three short years ago Meili was born and we are super excited to be celebrating another milestone with her!!!!

It has been a while since we have updated our friends on her progress so there is plenty to discuss – so sit back, grab some coffee and join us on a quick three-month review of the life of our princess.

And a “Princess” she has become! She reminds us all the time – usually with a raised voice, furrowed brow and sincere intensity. Quite often it comes in response to a request – she’s not saying no, mind you – she is just reminding us of her place in our kingdom…she is the PRINCESS! The wardrobe of our princess has grown as quickly as her personality. It is mostly made up of every imaginable color of pink and every conceivable shape of tutu. There is a tutu for school to go OVER whatever she may be wearing. There is a tutu for trips out with Mom to the store, a tutu for visits to the doctors office, tutus for playing outside and lastly, a tutu for sleeping in. She even now has pajamas that reference her tutus with a silly picture on the front stating how “tutu cute” she is. Think I am kidding? Check out Tracy’s Facebook page for an accurate accounting of how often the tutu appears in Meili’s every day clothes!

In my opinion, if Tracy, Leila and Meili were running a girlie marathon – Meili has already lapped them 5 times over and left us all in a cloud of pink smoke! It’s precious to see the little girl blossom from that malnutrition-ed bundle of sadness in drab clothes we brought home only 20 months ago.

Meili continues to find more ways to communicate her strong opinions on…well, everything! We have had her in speech therapy for a while and she continues to show amazing progress. But sometimes words are just so annoying so she turns her entire body into a communication device – from flailing arms to itty-bitty pointing fingers, Meili has little trouble expressing herself. Unfortunately, there are several surgeries in her very near future to continue repairing that pesky palette. I continue to forget that we adopted Meili of the “special needs” list because she is so smart, vibrant and strong. I have to remember how hard it is for her to talk and how difficult her path will be in the coming years as the repairs to her mouth, hopefully, give her normal speech. Although words fail her often, communication is never a problem! :)

Her place in our family has grown enormously. In the hearts of our children,  Tracy and I – Meili has always been here and meant to be here. The openness in the hearts of our other children in accepting Meili into our family has been more generous and inspiring than we could have ever imagined. Corbin, Tristan and Leila have enjoyed the flavor Meili has brought to our family – a spicy bundle of silliness and spirit! I don’t think a week has gone by that one of them haven’t sidled up to Tracy or I and thanked us for going to China and bringing Meili back. To their point, I don’t think a day has gone by that I have not looked at her and thanked God for her in my life.

“No Help.”

I like to think often about what it took for Meili to make it into our lives. The odds of her meeting us and us adopting her had to have been astronomically of the charts! I also like the remind myself about what it took for Meili to just live through the first months of her life – the spirit of determination in the heart of this little girl would put many world-class athletes to shame. To that same spirit of determination, Meili has begun saying to Tracy and I “No, Help” as she raises her little hand. She watches closely our other children and sees how they don’t need any help doing things like climbing into the Yukon. It does not matter to her that the foot board is even with her waist – she just waives her little hand at me saying “No Help, Ya-Ya” and commences to climbing into the car like she was on a rock climbing expedition. Before I can discourage her independence, I am rendered a flabbergasted bystander as she nestles her tiny body into the car seat. With a smile, now looking at me eye-to-eye – having scaled her own 6ft wall, she softly repeats…No Help, Ya Ya.

Last night as a slid into my warm bed I thought about how cold it was in Jiangyin City that dark night Meili was bundled into a single sheet and left at the gate of the orphanage. Having just been born hours earlier, her life had already taken a turn for the perilous. I feel it is so important to remember where we come from to put into perspective where we are and context for where we are going. Cold nights in December take on a different meaning for me ever since I met Meili. It doesn’t take more than a few minutes with her today to know that being abandoned on a freezing night in December wasn’t going to stand in her way. Life is her’s for the taking and the rest of us are simply given the envious opportunity of watching this astonishing story unfold. Today, we begin another chapter in the captivating book of Meili as our amazing daughter turns 3 years old. What a journey this has been and so much more to go!!!!

I think we should have named her “inspiration”. :)

(Thanks to Kelle Mac Photography for the amazing pictures!)

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Her First Day of School
August 22nd, 2011

It was about 10:30pm on Monday night when I finally said what we were both thinking but afraid to say it – almost as if it’s not said than we don’t have to be anxious about it. “This will be the first time since returning to China with Meili that we are leaving her in the care of a stranger…all by herself.” Tracy looked at me with that look only she can give me…”I know!” she says with a mixture of silly annoyance and serious thought. Considering how she found her way into our lives, dropping Meili off for school was no casual matter and we both pushed down the anxious. After all, the house had a nervous energy buzzing through it all day and night. Leila was very excited about starting kindergarten the next morning and Tristan was excited to meet all the new cute girls waiting for him in the third grade. Corbin, on the other hand, had fast acquired his father’s love for lazy days so summer’s end was a time for quiet disappointment – yet there even bubbled a little excitement for a new school year and the respect that comes with the eighth grade.

The morning was as hectic as so many first days of school with half dressed children chasing, teasing and aggravating each other. Half eaten breakfast littered the kitchen table and the lunch boxes with backpacks lay out across the counters waiting for their precious cargo of imagination fuel. Tracy carries such an amazing weight of planning and teaching in this house that it is only on days like this where one can really witness the gifts she has! Without to much controlled chaos, we made our way outside to take the annual first day of school picture with a new, lovely tan face added then we loaded up the car. Meili didn’t understand our dropping of Leila off with the boys at her new school (Meili is attending Leila’s old preschool) and began to call out for her as we drove off. I think it was about that time the reality began to set in for Meili that her first day of school would be all her own. She remained slightly excited and nervous for the short drive over to her school.

As soon as we got out of the car, Meili was immediately reaching for Tracy and for the rest of the time we were with her – she never let Tracy go. Either she was holding her hand or simply touching Tracy’s leg – but Mom was not going to be out of reach, no way! Meili’s preschool is a great little world for these tiny humans – a warm and caring environment that makes it easier on anxious Mom and Dad’s.

It took some coaxing, hugging and conversation but Meili eventually allowed us to leave her with her new teacher – actually, at some point we had to turn and run! :) Those of you who have danced this number before know how hard it is to balance between social growth and believing Mom and Dad are always going to be around. Trusting we left her in capable hands, we quietly walked back to the car wondering how she was going to respond. We knew if she gave it a shot, this was going to a place of great fun and fond memories.

Of course, there was that small fear for the other children in the class – you just don’t mess with Meili, if you know what I mean. All those other 2 or 3 year old cream-puffs have been raised on Dorah the Explorer and doughy muffins while Meili was eating rice from a bowl in southern China! :) More than once, I have been given the “You-Know-Where-You-Can-Go” look after attempting to correct our 22lb bundle of attitude – I love it! You can quickly read her face…”I will take you down all 6ft of your pale-whiteness if you touch my not-empty plate again!” Of course, I make light but Meili is really a very tough little girl – having fought for her own survival for the first year of her life, we wonder how she will do in these new social situations. Only time will tell but she appears to be doing well so far!!!

The 3 hours of her school day passed slowly – it was finally time to get Meili and Tracy returned to get her. Instead of parking and going inside to get her, Tracy opted to allow for the ladies to bring Meili to the car. Of course, it was me who insisted we take her inside ourselves earlier that morning while Tracy thought it better to drop her off in carpool (to help with the separation stuff). Tracy will just rip the band-aid off where I have to let it soak in water a little so it will just fall off. :) So out walks our newest student with that over-sized pink backpack swaying from side to side with each step – smiling from ear to ear. She was so happy to see Mom and so happy to have attended her first day of school.

Next comes…potty training… :)

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Posted in Our second year with Meili |
We need her more than she needs us
July 17th, 2011

I snapped the above photo of Meili running from me (Steve) after I asked her to give “Ya, Ya” a hug. Laughing all the way, off she ran in the hopes that I would give chase. Instead, I quickly glanced at my camera to see what I had gotten and this blurry photo hit me so metaphorically between the eyes that I couldn’t escape the truth of it. We, as a family, need Meili far more than she will ever need us!

As Tracy always says, “children are resilient!” And Meili is a living testament to that truth. The early formative years of her life where spent in very emotionally difficult environment with a total lack of parental influence or protection. Even to this day, Meili can be stung by a bee in the backyard without us even knowing. There is no scream or tears – just a large red lump on her back that we just happen to discover when dressing her for bed. Such is the unusual soul of Meili – she is strong and independent with the ability to survive practically any amount of hurt. She can have a perfectly wonderful day without a hug from Daddy but I have to wrap my arms around her at least once a day. Although she freely climbs into the arms of her precious “Ma, Ma” with great vigor, she has yet to give her the soft, tiny peck on the lips that I get every night before bed! :)

It is so funny to see the little girl in Meili coming out everywhere! Her favorite color is pink and every day must present her with the ability to wear pink or she will seek it out in the house and stomp to us with pink clothing clutched in hand. And the clothes are not just required to be pink, they must also be fluffy. Most days she wears a enormously fluffy pink tutu over the top of whatever clothing she is wearing – which sometimes is still her onesie from the night before! A side note on the onesie – my very smart wife figured out very quickly to cut the feet out and put them on Meili backwards so she could not undress herself in bed. For a while there, we had the Asian Houdini in the house because we would find her after nap completely naked – having shed the onesie, clothes underneath and diaper in her bid for freedom. I highly recommend the feet-less, backwards onesie – not only is it effective, it is funny to see. :)

And it’s not just the pink – Meili loves for her older sister, Leila to do her hair. The more pigtails, the better! In fact, Leila has gotten quite skilled in doing Meili’s hair – and even began to incorporate many other decorations to enhance the follicle bling on Meili’s dark dome. She is always quite proud of the visit to salon Leila and races through the house to show her newest style to everyone in the house. And if she happens to also be wearing the pink tutu along with her new hair style, you can witness the Meili strut – packed with extra hip action to ensure that tutu sways like it should.

And to top off the total girly-girl immersion of Meili, we went and had her ears pierced at the mall. Very early on she had noticed all the girls in the house and in other places had these shiny, sometimes dangling objects attached to their ears. Many times, Meili would waddle up to Ma-Ma pointing at her ears and then pointing at Tracy’s earrings. And by the way, this little girl can say more with an inch long finger, furrowed eyebrows and piercing eyes than her surgically repaired mouth will ever say! She is learning words, mind you, but for now, the language of the grunt, point and scowl is all the communication we need to get those ears pierced. So, of course, she cried for a brief moment until the woman doing it presented her with a sucker and a mirror. When she saw her ears now sparkled like her Ma-Ma’s, the tears dried up and the strut returned.

So there we sat at the movies last night watching Winnie the Pooh. As the credits were rolling, I turned to my left to glance at the family (Leila was the only one sitting to my right) and observed Tracy, Tristan and Corbin all smiling because Meili was dancing again to the music (we will save her love of dance for another post). There she was shaking that itty-bitty booty and rocking her head back and fourth to the amusement of the entire family. And it hit me again just like the day I shot the blurry picture of Meili running away, we needed her in our lives far more than she needed us. The humbling truth for us is that Meili could have been adopted by any other family and I am not sure she would be all that different today than she is in our home. Meili is Meili, as tough as she is smart. We feel she could probably adapt to being raised by a pack of wolves if it was required of her. But for a providential opportunity that we can never pay back, the Davenports have become the recipients of a truly amazing, life altering gift in the form of a 22 pound Asian princess named Meili.

For all the happiness she brings into our lives, for all she teaches us about stretching our comfort zone, for all the times I chase her down to hear the giggles as I kiss her neck – I proudly exclaim that I, we, the Davenports need Meili far more than she will ever need us!

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Happy One Year Anniversary
April 30th, 2011

It is hard to believe but it was one year ago today that the wheels on our overstuffed and aging Air China 747 touched down on the windy runway of JFK International Airport. The sudden jolt to the aircraft was a fitting example of how Meili was destined to impact our lives. I remember sitting in that stinky plane all misty-eyed at the thought of how our cute little carry-on from China became a citizen of The United States of America the moment we touched U.S. soil. Just another cool part of this amazing process.

So, much has changed and I am sorry the updates are getting farther and farther apart. Truthfully, I am not sure anyone but Tracy and I are reading this blog and that is fine because I really just want Meili to have a history to fall back on as she grows and matures.

Meili has certainly planted herself into the middle of our family. Each of our children struggle with each other for her attention and I think she is getting wise to the experience. There a moments when you can actually see the wave of devious intentions pass slowly across her face like capitalism in a communist society. The already narrow eyes grow more slim, a subtle smile breaks across the face and down tilts that bulbous head. And like a Chinese bottle rocket, off she shoots into another room leaving a trail of laughter and silliness for one of her siblings to follow in. Nothing makes her happier then to run around the house on the verge of toppling over with brothers and sister in tow.

One of the more beautiful things to watch is her every tightening bond to Tracy. Mommies are so important in the lives of children but take an abandoned child and giver her new mommy and that bond takes on so many other dimensions. Nobody in the house brings as much happiness to Meili as “MOMMA!”. Yes, I capitalized it on purpose because Meili never says “momma.” – it is always “MOMMA!”. :) Regardless of the volume, it is always enjoyable to hear. Even when Tracy leaves the house for a short errand, Meili will frequently check the door to the garage or look out the window to see if she has returned yet. Gone is the fear of abandonment, she just wants “MOMMA!” in her sights (seems she has picked up that whole “control” character trait that seems so prevalent in Chinese government circles). By the time Tracy has returned, she usually finds a tiny brown figure standing at the door with a huge smile surrounded by far more pale and taller people sporting frowns. You can only take so many times of “MOMMA?” every 30 seconds before you begin to look for 2-year old capable distractions.

As for me, my own bond with Meili is growing closer. We had a real rocky road in China but as she learned I wasn’t going anywhere, she finally allowed herself to foster some affection for me. Now, every night before bed, I get a kiss (and sometimes two) from Meili. And these aren’t your run-of-the-mill pecks, mind you! They are usually backed with a smile and long kisses. On top of it all, the surgery she had in China to close her clef lip has made her upper lip extra puffy – which ads to the uniqueness of her tiny kisses. I look forward to it every night so much!

Meili and I also have a silly connection that I shutter to share because I never to how people will take it. We discovered early on that Meili has NO fear and is quite ready to experience life at 90mph. She got to where she loved riding on my shoulders and would ask to be up there. Seeing that she really did not weigh all that much, one time I put her all the way on top of my head and kept my hands around her waist. I could not see, of course, but the kids were laughing hysterically because Meili was just smiling as big as possible while sitting on top of my head. Now is where I remind you that I am 6ft tall – so Meili is looking out at the world from close to 7ft in the air and is loving it! God has also blessed this odd man with a natural indentation on the top of my head (I think I was dropped as a kid) so Meili’s tiny bum fits perfectly on my head. So all of this has lead to our own little circus act! Now, when I pick up Meili she will pat me on the head and say “yah, yah”. She is asking me to do what we call “ta-da!” – That is where Meili turns her back to me and scoots all the way into my legs so that I can pick her up from behind and fly her briskly up to my head. After a second or two of balancing, she will reach her arms out wide and yell… “YAH, YAH” as I do the same. She laughs and giggles perched on top of daddies head waiting for me to lift up my arms to her so she can slide off.

Meili is such a nut!

Thanks for your prayers and support over the last year – we have experienced more than we deserve with Meili and highly encourage you to consider adoption if you have not already. I can’t believe we didn’t do it sooner!

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Posted in Advice for Adopting Parents, Our first year with Meili |
A Blossoming Spirit
March 19th, 2011

Well, it has been too long since our last update! Life has been pretty busy since Christmas and we will try to get some picture up from the holidays.

It has been wonderful watching Meili get comfortable in her new surroundings. She has a devious streak wrapped in silliness that comes out all the time! Sometimes she will sidle up to the couch while Tracy and I are sitting there and every so slowly turn her head toward us. With a half smile sprinkled across her face, and cutting her eyes at us, she begins to laugh all on her own – like the joy is too much to contain. Just take a look at the pictures below, taken in sequential order to witness the many moods of Meili…

We have almost been home a year with her and the transformation has been astonishing to witness. That quiet little orphan has grown into the fun loving and loved child (with a seriously over indulgent family) she should have always been. She laughs, she cries, she grabs, she bites and she even gives me goodnight kisses (like a butterfly tickling my lips) – she is as normal a child as she can be! In fact, if you can catch her in the right mood, she is terribly ticklish. One thing that makes her laugh from deep in her belly is when I swoop her up in my arms, lean her back and kiss her little neck as fast as possible. Her laugh is infectious and soon arrests all other activity in the house.

Another unexpected discovery for us has been the intelligence of Meili. One would think being the daughter of uneducated peasants that intelligence might be something earned rather than given. Nothing has been further from the truth! Meili is incredibly smart and a fast learner. Tracy was just sharing a story with me about Meili that I will share with you – the other day Tracy was taking Meili to pick up Leila from school. However, on this day, a trip to the bank would interrupt the normal course and Meili was ready to alert Tracy to her driving error. You would think Meili would be busy thinking little girl thoughts but she was prepared to raise her voice and point at the turn, now passed, to retrieve her big sister. These stories happen every day and are constant reminders of how special Meili is!

We recently returned from another fun (and extremely tiring) trip to Disney World. The pictures above and below were taken while we were down there. Meili greatly enjoyed the trip and was extremely patient with us.

She very much enjoyed meeting Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet and many other characters from the Disney movies. But the special meeting she was waiting for was Mickey Mouse – surprisingly enough, her sheets at the orphanage were covered in Mickey and Minnie Mouse! There were plenty of Disney toys and books in the orphanage so Meili was very familiar with the famous mouse. But actually meeting him in person must have been amazing for her – it was special to watch her slowly and cautiously approach the huge mouse with tiny hand outstretched. Meili loved to rub the fuzzy costumes and Mickey was no exception and of course he also got a special little hug.

Little did that cast member know the journey Meili traveled to meet the one thing she saw every night before closing her eyes in sleep.

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Posted in Our first year with Meili |
A Deeper Understanding of China
February 6th, 2011

It is an amazing truth of life that despite the terrible pain involved in childbirth, the love of that a newborn child brings a woman to choose life over enormous pain. Even more perplexing is the ability to mentally suppress that pain and excitedly enter into another pregnancy. Maybe that is just a man’s point of view but I imagine I am not the only one who thinks that.

Last night, Tracy and I sat spellbound through the documentary, “Up the Yangtze” – one of the few films on Netflix with a 5 star rating (If you have not yet tried it, we highly recommend Netflix!). It chronicals the touching story of the dramatic economic changes ripping through every segment of society in modern China. For those of us who have adopted from China, the emotional struggle of a very young Chinese girl forced to earn a living in support of her family (who are unable to read) brings home, in desperate fashion, the lifestyle awaiting our orphaned children. If you have adopted or are thinking about it, I highly recommend this film – it will leave you with a burning resolve to do something…anything!

And for those of us who have made the trip to China, at least for me, it was a vivid reminder of how we westerners are seen in China. Just as my childbirth pain from two weeks in China was subsiding, this raw documentary reminded me how difficult it was to bring Meili into our world.

The unfortunate reality is that most westerners are seen as super rich – and in comparison to the average life of a person in China, we are. That also makes us a target of financial goals set in the hearts of Chinese tourism industry. Due in large part to the nature of travel within China, the government’s best way of keeping track of foreigners is to assign a “travel guide” to you. This travel guide is then encompassed by continuous circles of financial expectations like the ring roads around Beijing by friends and associates. The end result is an acute sense that your fair skin and light hair are the markings of a potential financial windfall to the eager sellers of touristic junk – and you stick out like sore thumb. At every stop, your handlers/tour guides chase off the rift-rafts while steering the group into the “museum” of their choosing. While you browse the artifacts (20% artifacts, 80% store), your guides make small talk with the shop keepers – whom they know intimately from so many trips. After a few days, you begin feeling under attack and begin to move through crowds like a secret service agent protecting the President – head up, thousand yard stare, walking fast with spouse in hand.

The tragedy is you never gain access to the true wealth of the nation – it’s strong and amazing people. One night in Nanjing I ventured out of the hotel (at night your white skin glows less) and looked for the first alley off the beaten path I could find. I was able to see this rare humanity in its true habitat and it was a beautiful thing. I snuck out of the touristic orbit and witnessed real China, first hand.

“Up the Yangtze” lays bare the world surrounding the foreign visitor as they “experience” ancient China and the changes we bring with us. It is moving and unsettling – a raw reminder of what made our visit to China so painful. One day we will return with Meili to see her birth country – hopefully the continual change will have delivered a new birth of hope for the peasants who are affected most by this radical change. Meili is the daughter of one of these migrant families from the country side – her story, but by providential intervention, could have been detailed in this film.

And yet through it all, I am still so proud to have a daughter of mighty China in my family. And we plan to raise her with the knowledge of her birth countries greatness in spite of its troubled leadership. Under that massaged “hello”, greeting you over the endless spread of fruit and muffins at the morning buffet, is a confused sailor on the rough seas of change. Deep in their dark eyes is true China, strong, proud, and independent – just like little Meili.

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Posted in Advice for Adopting Parents, Our first year with Meili |
Silent Tears
January 1st, 2011

Why did she sleep as flat as a board? What is her deal with the bowls? How much did she really have to fight to live?

It only took me 6 months but I finally completed reading this 350 page endurance test of one woman’s heart wrenching experience in a Chinese orphanage. “Silent Tears: A Journey Of Hope In A Chinese Orphanage” is the reprinted journal of Kay Bratt’s time volunteering in an orphanage during her husbands time working in China. Kay was looking to make sure her time in China was worthwhile so she looked into volunteering in the local orphanage – she never details the actual name of the orphanage but through geographical references in the book, the orphanage appears to be in the area of Shanghai. We found this very interesting considering Meili’s orphanage is only a couple hours west of Shanghai so her story became all the more personal.

I decided to purchase this book in an effort to understand Meili’s early institutional life. Not surprisingly, there is a dramatic lack of information coming from the sterile worlds of Chinese orphanages so my unquenchable thirst to understand my daughters early life lead me to this book. I will tell you that the read is tremendously difficult – like walking through waist deep snow – and will most likely create a kind of readers tunnel vision, keeping you from being able to engage in any other pleasure reading. I highly recommend it but be prepared to be shaken to your soul if you have adopted or are adopting. Things have changed a lot in the Chinese orphanages since the publishing of this and other books but the general information should provide some background to the life of your new Asian treasure.

A couple things we learned…

  • Meili was a 3rd degree cleft lip & cleft palate baby and evidently, these babies quite often do not make it. The reason for this is their inability to properly suck their bottles down in the short time allotted for meals. Due to the openings in their mouths, there is little to no suction and the overcrowded orphanages provide no time for nannies to personal help these ailing babies. So they slowly begin to die from malnutrition. In the more heavily funded orphanages, these occurrences are rare as the staff is larger. I also believe the foreign adoption revenue is a motivator to care for these little ones (the corrective surgeries are relatively cheap in China) until the adoptive family assumes responsibility. Either way, these simple physical abnormalities can sometimes become a death sentence – how amazing is Meili? :)
  • Often the children are fed every meal in a bowl! We marveled in the early weeks of our return how Meili would carry around any bowl she could find – most of the time completely empty. she never let it escape her sight – we paid little attention to her very visual expression of her life experience not knowing its history. When I stumbled across that one little sentence describing a simple afternoon feeding, it hit me like a ton of bricks! Now we give Meili everything in a bowl and she is just as happy as ever. Meili loves bowls!
  • After seeing the marks on her legs (see earlier posts) we became very concerned at her propensity to sleep completely flat when we got home. For weeks we took pictures and scratched our heads – I even jumped on Google to figure out if they tied down the babies at night in the orphanages. Then I read in Kay’s book how the nannies would dress the kids in 3 layers of clothes and then tuck them in so tightly that they could not move at bedtime. As is the case with most of what we learned about the practices in these orphanages, they have the best of intentions however an alarming lack of empathy is often the impact. Their reason for tucking in the children so tightly was at night the orphanages would get terribly cold and there were no nannies to watch the kids. They did not want any of the babies to wiggle out of the only thing protecting them from the chill in the air.

We now find Meili sleeping on her side all the time and that brings a smile to our faces – nothing like seeing our daughter make a choice for herself! There was so much more in the book but it was an enormously difficult read due to the difficult recounting of regular abuse in the orphanages. Kay was quite often placed in very difficult places, trying to decide if helping the helpless was more important than shoving an abusive nanny into the tiled walls (of course, she never said that but is my interpretation). I highly recommend the book – just like reading a history book to understand the current state of affairs, Kay Bratt’s “Silent Tears: A Journey Of Hope In A Chinese Orphanage” will provide some much need background on the life of your adopted child.

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Posted in Advice for Adopting Parents |
Our Adoption Journey Video
December 24th, 2010

Merry Christmas blog readers! I finally had the time to review the hours of video we shot in China and trim it down to fast paced, 16 minute version – aren’t you glad!!! It was emotional to go through the highs and lows of our experience – seeing how much Meili has changed in a short 8 months. From our first sights of Beijing, to our anxious moments meeting Meili – it is all here to enjoy (or endure, depending on your point of view!). Unfortunately, we were so ready to go home that we shot very little video in Guangzhou – we just wanted the travel papers as soon as possible so we could get back home with our new daughter. So without further delay, enjoy “Bringing Meili Home” and have a very Merry Christmas…

The larger versions are available to view on YouTube here…

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Posted in Advice for Adopting Parents, Our first year with Meili |
Meili Turns Two
December 19th, 2010

Wow, we have been busy over the last weeks/months and left little time to update you on the continued journey of our daughter Meili!  Please accept our apologies and enjoy the latest silliness Meili has brought into our home.

On Friday, December 17th, we all celebrated the birth of our daughter, Meili!  She is now a whopping two year old! Of course, I say that in jest because there is nothing whopping about her petite little frame.  Like many other families out there in the blogosphere, we keep a running tally of the growth of our children on a select door in the house.  Meili is aware of it and whenever the marked up door is open, she quickly shuffles over to it and stands perfectly still – waiting for anyone to come over and “mark” the door with their finger.  Tonight she did it again as we were coming in from the Christmas dinner at Grandma’s (more on that later) and I dutifully leaned over to mark the high-water level of our two year old. As the dark crown of her fuzzy head slipped out from under my finger, I could clearly see the mark she is nearest to.  It read “Leila, 1 years old”.   Now of course, Leila (Meili’s older sister of 4 years old) is the offspring of a 6′ father and 5’8″ mother – destined to be awkwardly tall – and we know nothing of Meili’s parents.  However, we marvel every day at the minuscule features that Meili struts around the house – from her itty-bitty fingers to the sticks hanging out the bottom of her 12-month dress – that girl is stronger than an ox! Whoa, lost my way there…

Meili really enjoyed the party we had for her.  Surrounded by good friends and their children, our celebration was an intimate one full of fun for everyone.  I am not sure Meili ever figured out the party was for her but either way, she had a great time watching all the other children party!  We decided to do a “Minnie Mouse” party for her because she had Mickey and Minnie Mouse sheets in her “crib” back at the orphanage – we constantly try to honor her past and heritage whenever possible – always looking for ways to help her bridge the chasm from orphanage to forever home.

She continues to display incredible resilience in the face of constant change.  Even at her party we marvelled at how comfortable she has become with us.  Normally in new places (like the place we had her party at), Meili immediately becomes unsettled and soon finds her way back into Mom’s arms.  But on Friday, she was off and running with the other kids – a very encouraging site for a parent trying to help write a new story in the heart of a child.

Meili is also becoming very familiar with the crazy gift-giving culture of the Western World.  Despite the treasures waiting to be discovered in their colorful wrappings, Meili finds Candy Canes and Popcorn to be a better seasonal tradition.  Well, having said that, the truth is that ANY food is consumed before ANY present or gift is opened.  She is a simple girl with simple needs but I think Leila will help her take advantage of her sappy old Dad as the years go by! :)

Overall, things could not be more blessed as we learn more about our new daughter.  Each day brings another bit of valuable information to the lovely mystery of Meili.  She still cannot talk but communication is no weak spot! It doesn’t take a Chinese-to-English dictionary to explain what she wants when she takes you by the hand to the pantry, stretches out one tiny finger at the shelves of snacks and then quickly redirects that same finger to the now open mouth (strategically placed below those oversized, puppy eyes).  Ok, here is the ENTIRE pack of cookies – DON’T TELL MOM! :)

As I mentioned before, we spent the evening at Tracy’s Mom’s house for the annual Christmas dinner.  The kids love it because they get to open a couple gifts afterwards and Meili jumped right into the tradition.  The funniest part was when Meili discovered that if someone would hang these tiny little decorations on her ears, she looked just like Mom!  Sure enough, after getting decorations on both ears, off she went to show off her new ear-rings.

We weren’t 5 minutes down the road home when we looked back at our car full of tired kids, basking in the blue glow of the TV.  Each set of eyes was half closed, hanging onto the final minutes of this late night.  As we glanced over everyone, Tracy and I both noticed something different about Meili.  She was already asleep in the car and as we looked closer, there was the softest hint of a smile across her sleepy face.  In that moment, her Chinese orphanage was a million years away and Meili was nestled in the warm embrace of a place to belong.  There she slumbered with a tummy filled with Grandma’s cookies, hand clutching gifts of love and a heart free of turmoil.  I can’t remember a more intense feeling of purpose.

Happy Birthday, Meili!

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